heart attack for the hubby

so the last few weeks i have found my self having baby fever....kinda(here is where tommy has the heart attack). I have know for awhile that I wanted another child EVENTUALLY.(now he can breath a little better) I wanted to wait untill we were a little more stable ,financially, than we are now...Also I wanted to wait untill we have a house or a bigger place. well over the last few weeks it has become clear that those two things will not fall into place for around five years or so....this is where the anxt comes in. I wanted our children to be close in age and I wanted them to be out of the house around the same time when we are still young so we can travel and fun stuff like that....but five years puts the age deiffernece at seven years and that is just not what I had planned(life is never how its planned i know). Its just something that has been at the top of my mind for awhile, so i figured I would write about it. It just frustrates me how money runes our lives. if there wasnt a money issue I could have a second child when ever we wanted too. I understand and truely believe we will be ok without money but it still runs our lives and I wish it didn't. so hunny rest easier because im not asking for another baby today :)

ruby red slippers

so today i was at a friends house watching some football....thanks Limbaugh's for having us....I was flipping through one of Lindsey's magazines when I found a pair of shoes that I can not live with out. Here is where we run into a slight problem...They are only 995. That's hundred dollars not 9.95. So you can see where not being able to live without a pair of shoes that by no means I can afford might cause an issue. But they are so awesome...Shiny Patton red with a ruffle on the toe....i tried to find a picture but couldn't but believe me they are incredible. For the inner Dorthy in me they are some killer ruby red slippers. I am being literal with the killer part as well since they have around a 12cm to 14cm heel on them. I think I might be the same height as Tommy if I wore them but only for the two min before I fell flat on my face.

But for those of you who have been kept up late at night trying to figure out what to get me for my birthday next month...this is it. Size 6 I think maybe a 6 and 1/2 Ill make it work.

frustrated with the option

so i know everyone loves options but sometimes I wish some options were never introduced into the situation. We have been struggling with a black cloud for sometime now. It seems to just follow us around. Most people say things happen in threes but for us it happens in fives, sevens and hundreds. Although nothing seems to go right for us I still feel very blessed. I have a great husband, a wonderful child, a roof over my head, food on the table, great family and friends.
The problem I am having is that my wonderful husband came home one day and said he had been talking to a friend at work who had told him about an opportunity over seas with a private company that would pay him anywhere from 10k to 14k a month to do security. He has been having a problem getting a job in his chosen field like the rest of the country. We have tried everything and are still trying daily but he feels like he is not doing his part to take care of this family. I disagree. He is working almost everyday at a job that he isn't thrilled with to make sure we have the things that we do. If he were not taking care of us he would be sitting on his rump and choosing to just wait until something he loved came along.
I love him for everything he does for us and how much he cares about us. But i wish he would have never laid that option on the table because now I feel like a bad wife. I do not by any means want my husband to go to Iraq and risk his life for money. But every time my phone rings and its a bill collector wanting there share my mind wanders to what 10k a month would do for us. No more credit debt no school loans to pay for our business would be paid of completely, all the people we owe money would have there money plus left over for us to buy a house and maybe take that honeymoon we still haven't gotten around too. But MONEY does NOT buy LOVE and HAPPINESS. I know this with every fiber of my being. I trust in God to take care of us and provide for us and this is why im so frustrated with my self. I can't control my thoughts and I hate thinking about it.
So baby im sorry for my thoughts about this. I told you I would never tell you I wanted you to take that job and im telling you the same thing now. I love you and would miss you and worry about you every day but I do want to apologize to you for thinking about the up side of it from time to time. Please forgive me for pondering the material side of things.

football season

so yea the first football game of the season has come and gone...both teams got a W so that is great. my first football weekend on the other hand was not so good. I remember when I was in college and everything revolved around football weekends. Our clothes, our food, our money, and our plans. I had season tickets because I was a student and looking back on it I am very upset with my self for selling most of them because I could make more money working during the game plus selling the ticket then acctually going while I had the chance.

I wish I lived in a perfect world...One where I was wealthy enough to afford season tickets (good seats) and could afford to go to the away games as well. I miss tailgating I miss stadium food and those chillbumps you get when the team takes the field. Also. in this perfect world all of my friends would go for the same team. It's now when i have just sat at home with people im not really friends with and whom don't really care about the game that I realize how I am saddend by the fact all my college friends sucked. I wish all my now friends would have been my then friends too.

One day it will all work out...most of it anyways( i don't think all of my friends are going to suddenly decide to root for Alabama)...I guess the moral of this story is im glad I have great friends that I wish I could spend this time with and Im glad that Football season is back! Roll Tide Roll

Going up

So it has been a rough couple of months/ years for us and over most of it I have tried to be the rock. I think I met my breaking point the other day and as my husband stated I'm getting kinda squishy. Well today something positive happened so I just need it to keep on coming. Our seventeen year old gets to go back home today. They have decided that it is in her best intrest. She freaked out at first because she doesn't want to go back to homewood. But she is seventeen and will get over it. Now I'm sitting in SAMs on there on display patio furniture updating this on my phone because I have run out of aisles to walk up and down. I'm waiting on my tires to be put on and bored out of my
mind. I have discovered that I am hungry after seeing all this food in bulk, that I need a bigger tv, and 300 rills of toilet paper isn't that expensive. Boredom can you tell:)

waiting

so im sitting here at my office waiting on all my apointments to show up. Tommy called all of my brides the other day and set up like 20 apointments this week. He failed to realize he was double and triple booking me but ill forgive him because so far I have had three no shows. This really pisses me off. I have like fifty things i need to be doing around town and I cant leave because my apointments are supposed to be here. When a business says open by apointment only and then you set up an apointment less than a week in advance why the heck can you not show up or at least call and say im sorry im not going to make it or im running late or im a Dumba@*! So here i sit trying very calmly to wait on customers that have had there stuff here forever and have failed to show up once again. do you show up for your doctors apointments or your work apointments? What is so hard about this concept?